Making good conversation with grandparents can sometimes be difficult, and as the end of the year looms, you may find yourself sharing Christmas with older relatives who you don’t routinely speak to. Home care workers or nursing support can drastically improve a senior’s quality of life, but on the other hand, family members may find themselves missing out on those day to day conversations that help them understand their grandparents as people.

The truth is that elderly people can be real treasure troves of interesting memories, life experiences and valuable wisdom and insight – if only we knew how to listen! If you’re trying to build a more enriching connection with your own grandparents or even great-grandparents, then the following questions can be a great place to start.

1. What’s the earliest memory they can remember?

If your grandparent is old enough, and they can remember far back enough (let’s say even from 3 or 4 years old) you could get a real glimpse into the past from someone who actually lived through it. It can be fascinating to imagine that your grandparent was around to experience things that we’ve only read about in history books! Best of all, those with dementia can have a far easier time recalling distant memories than more recent ones, so they’ll feel more comfortable and able to connect.

2. How did they meet their partner?

This can be a lovely way to share and bond with a grandparent – how did they meet Grandpa or Grandma? You might find they have a few other noteworthy stories you might not have heard before. Can they remember their first crush or heartbreak?

3. What was their first job like?

You may see your grandparent in a completely different light when you ask them to describe what they were like as young people, just starting out in the world of work. It can be an illuminating discussion to see just how much things have changed, and possibly just how hard many of our ancestors had to work!

4. What change in the world are they most surprised about?

Your grandparents almost certainly have borne witness to rapid and significant changes in the world since they were young. We can be enriched by their perspective; what was it like to experience certain historical events, social changes or technological advances as they were happening?

5. What one piece of wisdom would they share with others?

Sadly, elderly people can sometimes feel invisible and overlooked, even though they have likely accumulated a lifetime of experience and understanding. It can be flattering for them to be asked to share their insight. After all, they won’t be around forever, and it would be a shame not to share and benefit from their wisdom.

6. Do they have any regrets about life?

Use discretion with this question – you obviously don’t want to stir up any negative memories. But you may be surprised at how candidly elderly people are able to talk about the lives they’ve lived. We could learn a lot ourselves from listening to the people who have gone before us and learning from the mistakes they’ve made.

7. What were they like as a child?

It’s easy to imagine that your grandparent was always old, and always exactly as they are now. But they were young once, too. Were they naughty? A tomboy or teacher’s pet? This question can spark lots of interesting discussion that can help you see your family history in a completely different light.

8. What was family life like when they were little?

Digging deeply into family history is a great way to feel connected, and part of something bigger than yourself. What are your family’s stories? Your grandparent is a living record of life as it was decades ago. Ask them to share and you may find out some fascinating news about yourself and your family members.

9. Where were they born and are there any special stories about their name, birth or history?

Everyone has a story. What’s your grandparent’s? Maybe their name has an unusual meaning, or maybe there’s some special significance attached to the day they were born. It can be lovely to imagine that the memories they share with you can be passed onto your children and grandchildren one day – far more meaningful than any heirloom!

10. What did they want to be when they grew up?

This can be a fun and light-hearted question, but asking about childhood dreams can also show you something endearing about your grandparent’s personality and their secret ambitions. Who knows, you may even discover you have a lot more in common than you first thought.

For more interviewing tips and techniques, see Goal 3 in Project 2: Memories in The Family History Guide.

Sources

‘What is your first memory – and did it ever really happen?’, City, University of London, https://www.city.ac.uk/news/2018/september/first-memory-research

‘Reminiscence for people with dementia’, SCIE, https://www.scie.org.uk/dementia/living-with-dementia/keeping-active/reminiscence.asp

‘Elderly care’, Helping Hands Home Care, https://www.helpinghandshomecare.co.uk/home-care-services/elderly-care/

‘Every day was a happy day’ – older people talk about love lost and found’, The Guardian,  https://www.theguardian.com/social-care-network/2016/feb/12/valentines-day-older-people-stories-of-love

‘The value of sharing family history with children’, Stories To Tell, https://www.storiestotellbooks.com/blog/the-value-of-sharing-family-history-with-children.html

Lily is a freelance writer who enjoys writing about family relationships and history. If she isn’t writing, you can find her trying out a new baking recipe or walking in the woods with her dog Griffin.