Note: This guest article was contributed by family history blogger Rachel Merashi.

Here are some questions to ask your parents about their youth and how it influenced them.

We’re all losing out on the chance to speak about the essential things in our lives with our parents as time goes by. They are the only ones who can provide an explanation or provide a solution to certain situations. Sadly, many of those answers, explanations, and anecdotes will be lost when they pass away.

Because your parents are your parents, it’s easy to overlook the fact that they’re entire, complete individuals who have their own lives outside of being your parents. But focusing on just one aspect of someone’s personality might make it tough to create a long-term connection. If you want to have a better connection with your parents, then you may want to ask them questions about their childhood and how it shaped who they are now.

To help you embrace your parents despite their flaws, you may learn more about their youth by asking your parents questions. Ultimately, we are all imperfect.

So, what’s the point of spending time? It would be a waste of our time if we didn’t ask them about the events that molded them, the choices they made, and the lessons they acquired in their adolescence. You know, for folks we believe we know so well… questions that could lead to new levels of insight, comprehension, and empathy?

Before asking them questions about their youth …

The first thing to keep in mind is that this is not a one-time fix. If you want to get to know your parents on a deeper level than your immediate family, you should plan on asking them a lot of questions over time.

As a second step, be sure your queries don’t have any ulterior motives. Parent-to-child discussions are important, but it’s also possible that there are deeper subconscious motivations. You may, for example, inquire as to the reasoning behind your parents’ parenting choices. If you’re looking for a specific answer, you may want to ask a new question.

People have different degrees of comfort when it comes to self-disclosure, so don’t forget to keep that in mind while asking questions. Your parents may be reluctant to open out about their past. Some of them may find this difficult.

With this in mind, try to come up with questions that you’re comfortable asking your parents and that they’re also likely to be able to respond to. Alternatively, you might draw on the following list of questions to ask your parents about their youth and the influences it had on them

•       As a child, what was your life like?
•       When you were a kid, what did you like doing by yourself?
•       Who were your childhood best friends?
•       When you were younger, what did you and your friends enjoy doing together?
•       Why did you choose that career path?
•       What did you do for fun and how has it influenced your life?
•       Do you know how you came to be who you are today?
•       When you were a child, what advice did your parents give you?
•       Do you recall a life-changing event that occurred when you were a kid?
•       Do you have any regrets about how much time you waste?
•       When you were a young adult, what advice would you offer to yourself?
•       Which job route would you choose if you were to start again from scratch?
•       In your youth, who had the greatest influence on you?

Being surrounded by people we care about is a gift. We should make use of the time we have with our loved ones to spend time with them and discover more about what makes them tick and how they got to be the individuals we know and love that they are.

Ask as many questions as you need to until you begin to feel comfortable talking to your parents. Don’t get irritated if they appear hesitant at first. If you notice that anything significant occurred while your parents were reminiscing about days gone by, don’t be afraid to ask some pointed follow-up questions.

For additional resources to help with interview questions and strategies, see Goal 3 (Interview Relatives) in Project 2: Memories in The Family History Guide.