Ten weeks ago my husband’s mother passed away.  She lived a full and active life for over 92 years.   She was a widow for 29 years and lived in a modest home they have owned for 65 years.  She kept it very well and Jim maintained it and updated it regularly. She believed in maintaining your assets. She was frugal and managed her money very well.  She was a saver. She went without things to build her “Nest Egg” as she called it.  It was her hedge against not living with family or being put in a home when she was old.  Her desire was to stay in her own home until she died. She made do with what she had and she used it up…whatever it was.  We found a gallon size bag of aluminum foil that she saved after using it, for the next time.  She would wash it, dry it, press it out almost like new with her hands.  This was “so her” and one of Jim’s favorite finds in the house.  It seemed to be an integral part of that whole Greatest Generation that lived through the depression.

She had done a lot of weeding out and made donations to her favorite thrift shops. What she kept was well-organized. Her sock drawer was tidy and color-coded for easy access.  She was not caught up in excess in material things and still, taking her possessions out of the house was a huge job.  It reminded me so much of when I was doing home staging for real estate and had older people that were so buried in their lifetime of accumulating possessions.  Homes that were like that would take a month to get the stuff out of the way to sell their houses. They would have to hire someone to do it. I’m so glad she was not like that by being proactive and prepared in advance.

Her living trust was in order, she invested wisely for many years and didn’t have to worry.  She planned her own memorial service and it was beautiful.  She had a legacy of many friendships and she filled the church to the rafters with those paying respect to her for the life she lived.

It is human nature not to want to think about our own demise.  We appreciate that mom thought about it and prepared in many ways.  While she was not excessive with keeping things, she loved her experiences in life and was active until the day she died. The things we found the most of were momentoes of her great experiences and treasures of their two boys’ lives.  She kept their cub scout uniforms tucked away in her cedar chest for Jim to enjoy when they were discovered.  She traveled a lot after her boys were grown and saved ticket stubs and photos as reminders of those great times. She kept artwork her grandkids and great-grandkids made for her and her favorite photos with them   She was far more sentimental than we imagined.  She struggled with illness occasionally, but never gave up and pushed forward with the good things in life.  She was a great example to us in this way.  That example made us realize how we too want to be prepared.

Here are a few ideas for getting things in order:

-If you don’t have a trust and a will you should get them done!   Especially if you have minor children still living with you.  If you stipulate who should care for them in the event of your death, it can eliminate them being placed as wards of the court and can even prevent family feuds over it when you make plans in advance. If you do have the documents you should update them from time to time. Designate your executor and successor and let them know. Also, tell them where your important papers are located and how to access them. *Passwords for all your accounts including utilities, etc.  No one will talk to you without them.

-If you are single you should have another person on your checking account and your safe deposit box.  Funds will be needed right away after your death to tie up loose ends.

-Make a list in your will or separately and have it notarized regarding the disbursement of your possessions.   We encourage our kids to tell us what they would like to have when we are gone.  This makes it so much easier on those left behind.

-Recycle the things you have accumulated to those who need them, your family, friends, or your favorite charity.  We have been doing this but I plan to go through everything again now that we have had this experience and it is fresh in our minds.  It is a very freeing experience.  It is good to take stock in what you no longer need, take a photo if you need to, but pass it on.

You may be thinking what does this have to do with family history? Well, we have found that dismantling Grandma’s house in just a few weeks was sad and disconcerting. Especially for Jim since he lived in the house as a boy.  One of the ways we have eased that burden was to take pictures of how she had the house before she died.  We took photos of the family heirlooms to keep and share with each other.  We have spent time in her home these last several weeks and with all of our kids and all but one of our grandson who is currently serving a mission.  Instead of meeting at our house we went to hers. We had all the cousins and nieces and nephews come by to share memories and pick up a few things to remember her by.

The Memories section of FamilySearch has recently been updated quite a bit. See this YouTube video by our management team member, James Tanner. The Family History Guide will ensure that we know how to preserve her memories so that she will not be forgotten.  Find the Memories dropdown menu for Family Search on the Homepage.

We are scanning some special photos from her life and adding them to the big database collections for others to enjoy. We found the most beautiful wedding pictures of Jim’s parents’ that none of us had ever seen before.   It was a joy to see her live to know and love her 11 great-grandchildren. It was special for them too!  It has been bittersweet for all of us. Through this loss, we have all become closer while learning that preparation is so important. It is a gift you give yourself, your spouse, and also your posterity.  We don’t want to leave them so exhausted that they have no time to mourn, and barely enough energy to close up the house that is no longer needed. We want them to remember the good times at home and not all the junk they had to haul away, or the bills unpaid, etc.  Mom blessed us with not leaving any of that and we will do the same for our family.  And a big one for us is having all the funeral expenses paid in advance and we have done that for our kids, just as our parents did it for us.

What are some of the things you have learned along the way when loved ones have passed on?  Please share with us if you have some good tips.  You can leave a comment just after the featured posts below. Here at The Family History Guide we always love to hear from you!  Happy hunting for your ancestor and preserving their memories!  What a wonderful and worthwhile way to spend our time!  The Family History Guide is here to make our family history work easier, more efficient, and enjoyable for us all.